43

I haven't written in this thing for the past 9 months.

The only thing of significance to talk about; I've been sober for 43 days.

I'm also happier than I have been in years.

That's all I want to look back on. Until next time, bye!

I'm ready to stop waking up.

The best way to never be disapointed, is to never expect anything.

I don't know why I can't get that through my fucking head.

I know I left...

But it still feels like I'm the one chasing you.

I'm lonely.

And...

I give up. This is going nowhere.

Let's Play The Blame Game...

On a bathroom wall I wrote
"I'd rather argue with you than to be with someone else",
I took a piss and dismiss it like fuck it and I went and found somebody else.
Fuck arguing or harvesting the feelings, I'd rather be by my fucking self
Till about 2am and I call back and I hang up and start to blame myself
Somebody help.

Probably my favorite song right now. Musically and lyrically.
It's by Kanye, for those who don't know. Take a listen.

Sometimes it lasts in love, But sometimes it hurts instead...

This song makes me cry.

Yeah it's a chronic pain in my ass, but no it's not a burden; It's ironic that I drink to make my insides stop hurting...

Probably, lyrically, one of my favorite songs at the moment.

As far as relationships go, we're doing alright. Went on a date to Pluckers on Friday night, then watched the crabs attack eachother and catch tiny fish at Wal-Mart. Javi dropped me off at my Mom's and we kissed while Purple Rain was playing on the car stereo. Classic.

I had to work a 12 hour shift yesterday. Wasn't too bad, but I worked a few hours in paint and slammed a blade on two of my fingers. One finger swelled up and is numb. I can't feel anything (well, as of an hour ago the feeling is slowly returning) I was worried I'd have to get it chopped off, but that's cause I'm a worry wort. Hopefully it'll be ok.

Also, I think my brother is doing good. He hasn't had his court day yet, but the times I've been staying over there, he's been clean and that makes me super freaking happy.

Our lease is up in January, so I'm still trying to figure out what to do. Our plan was to move into my Mom's for a year so we could save for a house... but my Nephew just moved in from California so we aren't sure.

Today is my only day off. I was supposed to work today, but I got booted off. Lame. I'm starving, but I'm broke... so if you read this before 6pm and wanna buy me dinner, text me. ;)

and it's a love that gives me heart burn, it's a song that makes my stomach turn; but I wouldn't trade this hand for all the aces in the deck...