I've been here and there. I'm at a weird phase in my life I think.
My head is all muddled.
I've been staying at my Mom's (voluntarily) and it's been nice.
I miss waking up in my old room with my awesome hand-painted fan.
I've enjoyed my Mom's homemade lunch; She made me conchitas and carne asada the other day. Yum.
Maybe this whole adult-thing is freaking me out. I've been with Javi almost 5 years now (and the fact that he still hasn't asked me to marry him kind of breaks my heart.) and I think because I never did the get-drunk-and-pass-out-on-a-friends-couch thing while I was younger, I'm wanting to do it now. I've also never lived with anyone that I wasn't in a serious relationship with. I know it all sounds silly, but, Javi got to live with his friends and be independent. I've never done that. I've been living with my significant other since I was 18. The 6 months between Tony and Javi, well, I didn't actually do much really.
I'm just trying to get all this "I-need-to-be-alone" shit out of my system. It was sucky not seing Javi for a few days, but then when I did... it was like, super awesome. It was like the times when we used to go on dates and miss each other and get anxious because we didn't live together. I liked that feeling.
I don't know. I'm glad he toughs it out with me. I do realize that I'm way too impulsive and that I am a handful to deal with, any other guy would have just said So Long and let me be. Not saying that Javier isn't also kind of a handful, just in a different way.
I guess that's why we sorta make a good team, eh.
5 comments:
I think a lot of people go through something very similar, especially when you've been together since you were teenagers. Also, Josh didn't ask my to marry him until we'd been together for eight years. And, during the couple years before that, I would annoyingly say, "You know, you can get me a ring whenever you want." :) Everything will work how it's supposed to.
Thanks Allie. :)
I kinda of know that it will, but I have an impulsive personality so I think that's kind of my problem. I've also thought about asking Javi to marry me, since I know that's what *I* want, but I'm so used to being the dominate one in relationships, I guess I'm waiting for that girly romantic moment to happen.
I hear you! I think it's something impressed in our lady minds at a very young age: the romantic proposal and fairy tale wedding. Josh's proposal wasn't very romantic (he doesn't have many romantic bones in his body, probably just his pinky), but it was ours alone and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm sure the moment ya'll have will be very special for you too, whether there are fireworks or the light from the kitchen, you'll remember it forever.
RE: "I've also never lived with anyone that I wasn't in a serious relationship with."
Ugh, I know how this feels. You know that I'm the same way... I've lived with guys I've dated since I was 18. Sometimes I get sad that I never lived on my own or with friends... But then my sister reminds me that living alone is, well, lonely, and that every time she has lived with a friend something has gone wrong and the friendship didn't survive.
But still... Sometimes I just want to live like a care-free college kid! None of this business woman or housewife bullshit I'm doing now. I wanna stay out until 2am drinking shitty coffee at Kerbey Lane. I want to have an art exhibit of my paintings and make bullshit up about how they have "deep meaning." I want to sleep past 10:00 am and not feel guilty.
I do hope everything works out well between you and Javi. I must admit: I feel kinda guilty that I'm married. Both you and my sister want to get married so badly* and I'm here married, not romantic, and perhaps ungrateful (truth be told: I wouldn't mind being not married and just living with Juan in a domestic partnership because being married makes the parents expect grandchildren O_o).
*My sister wants to get married for a totally different reason than you do. She doesn't even have a boyfriend! Crazy girl.
Thanks for the thoughts! Javier isn't romantic at all either, and I'm ok with that, I guess it's just the idea of being his fiancee that makes me feel giddy. His parents have asked me before why we aren't engaged, (along with most of his males friends, which just makes me feel worse x_X) but I guess all in time.
And Heather, I know what you mean. The few nights I slept alone weren't so bad, but I think that's because I spent nights out drinking and hanging with friends and then just crashed, but I'm sure that lifestyle will burn out quick. I also feel selfish for wanting to be alone, but at the same time, Javi has never been single either. He has gone from Moana, to Monica, back to Moana, and then to Me. :/
So I also get worried he'll get that "single itch" later on down the line which is why I wanted us to take a break now.
Post a Comment